Crossroads in the tradition of marriage (Merinews- 2008)
Day 6...#100happydays #100daysofhappiness
As India
AS INDIA emerges
as a global destination, there are always ‘rituals and values of glory’, our
grandma much so affectionately, advised us to follow. While other rituals have
undergone their share of social transformations, the focus on married women and
her confusion with the ‘symbolic representation of marriage’ being viewed as a
fashion statement is worth a debate.
Today, her
fairy tale is coming true and she is at the crossroads of understanding, what
role she would choose to embark. On one hand is an independent woman, adorning
a new role, characterized by the passion for life and her career, and keeps
pace with changing fashions and trends.
On the other hand are multiple roles of a wife, daughter-in-law, sister-in-law, which she will be adopting, where she is now characterized by the demands of the society. This is not a game for her any more and its not play time…so where do her decisions take her?
The wedding is the fairy tale, with that glamorous moment of being the princess, in all the grandeur and elegance. Next morning, it is Good Morning New Bride… and she struggles to get it right.
InIndia
In some customs she comes out with the ‘sindoor’, mangalsutra / thali (black beads chain or the black thread), hands clad with red bangles, the toe ring or simply a finger ring.
While some choose to represent these only at ceremonial occasions, others have adapted these in their daily lifestyles. You will still find her going through her morning routine, scrambling with time to ensure none or most of these symbols are not missed out. For her, she takes pride in being adorned and displaying her married status.
There are others who simply would not feel the need for this and opt to follow the ‘being married in their heart’ style, where these customs are looked upon otherwise. For them, these are merely accessories, where people are flaunting a married status, under the pressure of societal demands. But like life’s pros and cons, even these rituals are the two sides of the same coin.
Charles Millhuff once said, “Many of life’s circumstances are created by three basic choices: the disciplines you choose to keep, the people you choose to be with; and, the laws you choose to obey.”
In some customs, this is not a discussion, but compulsion. In others, where choices exist, it is adapted based on life’s circumstances. As women co-exist in being married and career oriented, work pressure and demands play a key role in this decision.
With MNC’s spurting drawing the need to adorn the western attire for our international counterparts, many organisations have laid down guidelines. These often point towards wearing modest jewellery that can prove distracting. The ‘global outlook’ has also required many women to not display the ceremonial ‘sindoor’ amongst other mandates. With careers playing a key role, women make binding decisions.
Another facet of these displays is one’s safety. In a society where women are still being made the victims of harassment, sexually and professionally, such ritualistic displays can be a safeguard weapon. Married women with such prominent adornments are often not troubled, guarded against ‘eve teasing’ and are sometimes given more respect than otherwise. The reasons are ambiguous but this pattern is common. But at the same time, being clad in traditional jewellery can unnecessarily attract attention of thieves staking her safety. Nevertheless it does not discourage certain households.
It is also important to note the demands of the household, the customs and the society. In spite of being progressive, we cannot deny our roots in cultural heritage which have defined our uniqueness as a nation. There are compelling societies that mandate this, but with variations in tradition across communities have resulted in mixed reactions and ideologies.
The traditional mangalsutra in one community is given by the husband and to be worn until she is married. But as a widow that is taken away from her. In another community, the same ornament (known as Karimani) is given by the bride’s mother as a mark of life long protection towards her daughter. But as a widow she is confused with this, as some mandate it be removed. Badgering on this as society looks upon it differently; this cannot be a reason for flexing rituals.
On another front, the pattern of tradition has been more short-lived with changing fashion. Many times, she may not wear her adornments, as it may not be fashionable on a particular occasion. Women have been seen not identifying themselves with the ‘mangalsutra’ when the diamonds glitter on her neck or the absence of the ‘sindoor’ when she is out partying.
In addition, the traditional toe ring has now taken fashionable designs and is much fancied by teenagers and college students as a ‘fashion statement’. While in some communities only married women can wear the toe ring. Molding the tradition has become the pattern of today.
AsIndia
Michael Althsuler once said, “The bad news is time flies. The good news is you’re the pilot.” Hence while it will always be about maintaining the tradition and keeping the ritual alive, women will turn new pages, but will always keep the sanctity of marriage.
On the other hand are multiple roles of a wife, daughter-in-law, sister-in-law, which she will be adopting, where she is now characterized by the demands of the society. This is not a game for her any more and its not play time…so where do her decisions take her?
The wedding is the fairy tale, with that glamorous moment of being the princess, in all the grandeur and elegance. Next morning, it is Good Morning New Bride… and she struggles to get it right.
In
In some customs she comes out with the ‘sindoor’, mangalsutra / thali (black beads chain or the black thread), hands clad with red bangles, the toe ring or simply a finger ring.
While some choose to represent these only at ceremonial occasions, others have adapted these in their daily lifestyles. You will still find her going through her morning routine, scrambling with time to ensure none or most of these symbols are not missed out. For her, she takes pride in being adorned and displaying her married status.
There are others who simply would not feel the need for this and opt to follow the ‘being married in their heart’ style, where these customs are looked upon otherwise. For them, these are merely accessories, where people are flaunting a married status, under the pressure of societal demands. But like life’s pros and cons, even these rituals are the two sides of the same coin.
Charles Millhuff once said, “Many of life’s circumstances are created by three basic choices: the disciplines you choose to keep, the people you choose to be with; and, the laws you choose to obey.”
In some customs, this is not a discussion, but compulsion. In others, where choices exist, it is adapted based on life’s circumstances. As women co-exist in being married and career oriented, work pressure and demands play a key role in this decision.
With MNC’s spurting drawing the need to adorn the western attire for our international counterparts, many organisations have laid down guidelines. These often point towards wearing modest jewellery that can prove distracting. The ‘global outlook’ has also required many women to not display the ceremonial ‘sindoor’ amongst other mandates. With careers playing a key role, women make binding decisions.
Another facet of these displays is one’s safety. In a society where women are still being made the victims of harassment, sexually and professionally, such ritualistic displays can be a safeguard weapon. Married women with such prominent adornments are often not troubled, guarded against ‘eve teasing’ and are sometimes given more respect than otherwise. The reasons are ambiguous but this pattern is common. But at the same time, being clad in traditional jewellery can unnecessarily attract attention of thieves staking her safety. Nevertheless it does not discourage certain households.
It is also important to note the demands of the household, the customs and the society. In spite of being progressive, we cannot deny our roots in cultural heritage which have defined our uniqueness as a nation. There are compelling societies that mandate this, but with variations in tradition across communities have resulted in mixed reactions and ideologies.
The traditional mangalsutra in one community is given by the husband and to be worn until she is married. But as a widow that is taken away from her. In another community, the same ornament (known as Karimani) is given by the bride’s mother as a mark of life long protection towards her daughter. But as a widow she is confused with this, as some mandate it be removed. Badgering on this as society looks upon it differently; this cannot be a reason for flexing rituals.
On another front, the pattern of tradition has been more short-lived with changing fashion. Many times, she may not wear her adornments, as it may not be fashionable on a particular occasion. Women have been seen not identifying themselves with the ‘mangalsutra’ when the diamonds glitter on her neck or the absence of the ‘sindoor’ when she is out partying.
In addition, the traditional toe ring has now taken fashionable designs and is much fancied by teenagers and college students as a ‘fashion statement’. While in some communities only married women can wear the toe ring. Molding the tradition has become the pattern of today.
As
Michael Althsuler once said, “The bad news is time flies. The good news is you’re the pilot.” Hence while it will always be about maintaining the tradition and keeping the ritual alive, women will turn new pages, but will always keep the sanctity of marriage.
Deepti Belliappa Ganapathy
URL: http://www.merinews.com/article/crossroads-in-the-tradition-of-marriage/143592.shtml
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